Slumber

Thin small layers of skin slip from my lips when I speak

My dry tongue moves around inexperienced at the art of conversation

It’s been a long time.

With a groggy awakening I attempt this phenomenon known as dialogue

But my years of silence make it hard to do so without fumbling.

I’m painfully aware of the awkward exchanges

I’m certain of the perception surrounding me. At least I think so.

But as hard as it is
as much as I fall
and the fool that I appear…

I will speak …

Because if I don’t

More than just my voice will slumber

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Lost Toothed Beauty

 

 

July 2014 143

I love being a mom, because it means being YOUR mom.

I love your sunshine grin, it leads me home again.

I love your quick wit and right on cue quips.

I love your fierce determination, it reminds me of that side to me I lay aside often.

I love watching you grow, though too fast it goes.

 

My sunshine girl, I love you!

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“Enter here.”

July 2014 129

 

“Fear I’m here,” I slowly tip-toe in greeting.

You turn and we embrace.

Connecting again today, our usual morning meeting.

 

You softly whisper, “Don’t fail today or let go. Keep your nose to the grindstone.

Arise expectations, disappointments may enter here.

Failings’ not an option, oh and by the way, contentment you’ll never know.”

 

I let you run my life. I let you rule in me. I let you dictate so much.

I let you tear apart me.

I let you squander countless years. I’ve let you become a crutch.

 

Your soft spoken ways began so innocently

But like a snake you’ve slithered by

Until today, I’m running past the boundaries you’ve supplied.

 

 

 

 

 

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Still

Be still my restless mind

Before you know it, here comes sunshine

Be still my anxious heart

Before you even realize it, doubt will tear you apart

Be still searching soul

 All you need is in Him. And dear one, He’s made you whole

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Peel to Reveal

Unpeel the layers of me please

Lay them to rest far from me

Sit under the shade tree

Live in my new skin

Step into the sun

Feel the burn with no attempt to run

No fear will overtake me now

Gonna live and make mistakes

Not beat myself up for every one I make

Not going to live life without feeling alive

Count my blessings and thrive

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When You Refine Me

When I wonder if there’s room to spare
When I question if I’m getting there
When I contemplate my life and more
When I compare my journey to yours

It comes up short

I see the spaces

But

When I see the stars
When the sun warms my skin
When I reach past the bars
When I breath the fresh air in

I get out of my own head
I leave behind the mass confusion
I believe in what You’ve said
I seek true vision

Then. You refine me

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Unduly Noted

I rationed my love and affection
I offered it in cues
Handfuls of my heart broken I feared
Would be the result of you

Prior times proving
my methods ringing true
Past begetting past behavior
Solidified foundation steeped in glue

So I rationed out my love in spurts
Only when you were worthy

My hearts survival mode; the hurt
Ensured not left on empty

This made me ugly
Made me sad
Not who I began as

Until,

Your whispers spoke my name
“Come love, my sweet.
I am different, not the same.”

You led me down a well worn path
Deep brown steep cliffs
Soft green meadow grass

Before I knew it, a healing had begun
Your gentle hands mending
My wounded hands, fragile heart; this broken one

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Confession

I like to feel validated.
It’s true.

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What I Thought Was Gone

Dreams lay punctured
on this floor of filthy
Empty bottles once filled
with the hope that would be

Surely longing, desire will be enough
I once thought
One step into the real world
And I find it is not

Choices lay hard
Bring themselves to my door
Desire cries louder
My soul seeking more

My hand turns the knob
Of chance I shall see
It’s creak whispering
Maybe, may be, may it be

As the door opens slightly
I feel a breeze leak in
I take advantage of the chance
I barge straight on in

4 years to the day
My hand tried chance
And to think I may have stayed
Let it slip past

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Road Today

Today I can’t see

I have to live in what I know

Right now all I feel

is the heaviness of the load

But what I know is what I know

and I know that you’re real

that you see all this pain

and you’ve given me strength to deal

So I’ll take it one step at a time

keeping walking today

knowing your bigger than

this pain in my way

And when I feel so empty

feel so far from you

when I feel this pressure

this life draws me too

I’ll let go of the anchor this stress has become

let go of the worry I’ve been running from

Today I’m looking back on the road I have come

Seeing all this distance grow…

Oh how the gap has widened from

where I was to what I know

So easy to let new giants through

to let them take over

and prove to me your freedom was never true

So I’ll take it one step at a time

keeping walking today

knowing your bigger than

this pain in my way

And when I feel so empty

feel so far from you

when I feel this pressure

this life draws me too

I’ll let go of the anchor this stress has become

let go of the worry I’ve been running from

I’ll walk in the strength I know you’ve given

peel back the past, walk in my new skin

You’ve drawn me in, called me your friend

I’ll stand in what I know, even when the tide comes in

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